turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
