Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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