I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
