So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
