I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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