why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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