So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
