Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
