My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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