did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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