Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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