I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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