I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
