i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
