okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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