HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
