I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
