I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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