Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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