So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize