Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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