In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We have started to decorate penises.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
