they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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