I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
