He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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