my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
