Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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