I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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