brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
