YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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