Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
