I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
