Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
