I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
