and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
