I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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