just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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