OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
