2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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