Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
