Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
