If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
