I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
