i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We named our party play list daddy issues
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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