I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
