Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
