I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
