i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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