I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
