On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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