I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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