So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
