just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
