"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
