I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
