feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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