id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
