I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
