The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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