Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
