Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
