i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
