all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
