Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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