There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
