nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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