Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
