and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
