Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
