my vag is so smooth its legendary
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
