What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
