I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
