At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it's great music for shaving your balls
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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