Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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