New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
