i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
