I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you didnt know i had herpes?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
