I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
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Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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