y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
