i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
