hotel room ftw
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
