some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
